Thursday, August 28, 2008

"A Woman's Right to Shoes" --Sex and the City

This episode of Sex and the City changed my life. It made me realize that I was not crazy. I have long envied "the brides" as they blissfully talked of filling out their wedding registries, while I sat there hoping that I could pull together a gift and still afford my rent, groceries, insurance, utilities, etc.

Then I started to wonder when it would be my turn. What if I never got married, would I never get any gifts despite my substantial financial investment in celebrating my friend's life choices. Yup, I said choices, not accomplishments. This is that sense of entitlement I referred (bridex) have not accomplished anything. You didn't cure cancer, you didn't work hard and win an Olympic medal, you didn't study and earn a degree, hell you didn't even remodel anything, all you did was get some schmuck to agree to spend everyday with you (great for you, but I don't understand how that equates to multiple hundreds of dollars worth of gifts, not to mention time.)

Before "A Woman's Right to Shoes" I kept these feelings and thoughts deep within me in a dark place. A place of resentment and quiet contempt for brides. However, all of that changed when I saw this episode. I felt vindicated and free to feel my emotions.

Ms. Bradshaw:

"Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you. ... Hallmark doesn't make a "congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy" card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone?

I think my favorite part is when Carrie and Charlotte are walking and eating frozen yogurt and Carrie explains that she has probably spent nearly $2300.00 celebrating her particular friend's life choices and how dare that friend make her feel guilty for spending $485.00 on herself.

I think this rang so true for me because I have always lived on a budget, I don't overspend on myself and when I do, it is at most $100.00. But, then to think of all of the money that goes into the "pleasure of being part of someone's special day"...well that figure is a heck of a lot higher than $100.00---even when you are a just a guest and not a bridesmaid.

It makes me really mad. For one full year I would like to just spend my money on me! (xmas and bday gifts are excluded cuz those are reciprocal). I don't have kids or a mortgage or a husband, my money should be my own! (insert huffy hummmmphf here)

I will leave you with this closing remark from my dear Ms. Bradshaw:

"Its really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes--that's why you sometimes need really special shoes!"

The Meanest Girl in the World

I don't blame my parents for making me the "meanest girl in the world", I blame my college residential life staff. I blindly sat through their lectures and hungrily gobbled up their advice on making friends and ingraining myself in the college experience....and where did it get me?

It got me the title of "rent a bridesmaid". Sure it wasn't one of the women I befriended in college that dubbed me with the lovely title, but the brainwashing I endured put me on that path.

No one warned me that by being nice, fun, outgoing, friendly (modest), etc. would directly affect my future savings accounts, weekends, self esteem, and self worth. By this point you should be wondering what the crap this crazy woman is talking about, well I will tell you.

I am 29, I am not married (but in a long term relationship...more on that later), in the past 5 years I have attended more than 25 weddings (actually I have lost count or stopped counting), and have been a bridesmaid 4 times.

So what does that have to do with my college residential life staff, well they encouraged me to make friends, which I did, then after graduation I went on my merry way making friends as I went...then it began to happen....everyone started getting married and popping out kids.

For the sake of argument, I have no problem with marriage. I have a problem with the sense of entitlement that most women exhibit when they are in the processing of getting married. No longer does any conversation revolve around anything without somehow going back to "THE WEDDING". Every bride thinks she is the first person to ever get married.

I hate engaged women (there are a few exceptions, you know who you are :) they are spiteful, money grubbing witches who have no regard for anyone else except for what that particular person will buy off their registry. This is all I have to say now, but more will follow.

This framework is very important for reference because I will be expounding on this in the future, a lot.